necrowmantic | [IC Inbox

...For not having that many memories to go on, you sure do dwell in the past. But if you changed the past so you wouldn't be here, that wouldn't be good either. So... I'm not good at saying these things, but I think you're fine like you are.

[This was all alarmingly sentimental. He quickly moves on, not sure how else to put it.]

But uh, actually- I used to think you looked down on Ryouta too? It was one of the first times we spoke, you said he wouldn't be worth as much if his face got all scarred up.

I figured I'd must've gotten it wrong, because geez, what a jerk thing to say- but this time you said Seijuurou was less of a person now that his eye was gone, and I thought I'd been right all along! I'm still not sure I'm not, but... Yuzuru, why does it matter what someone looks like? If they're missing one eye or a dozen, if they're lame or covered in cool sores, I mean... I GUESS you mean well, but I think you're wrong about this.

That's what most do when they die, yeah. I don't regret everything about what happened - Kuroko learned how to take plant matter out of others. Saved Kise. There's good in the bad.

[ That's the philosophy he generally tries to hold, though it isn't always an easy one to assert or even believe himself in the worst of times. And because he sees Henry's discomfort with lingering too long on the deeper aspects of whether Otonashi should exist or be here, he keeps it simple and focuses on the recent issue rather than the whole.

Soon, though, he has to pull back in alarm. His next raw reply isn't delayed, but the heart of the matter has to wait for him to finish crying out in disbelief, turning off the feed, thinking of a response, then finally coming back to it for a real reply. ]

That's not - no! That's not what I believe! I would never say that and mean it. What did I say, something like "oh no, can't have his face getting scratched, what kind of model would he be then?!" That's just ... me being sarcastic, sassy, whatever you want to call it. Does nobody joke with you? It was a jab at his vanity, I... I did stuff like that with someone back home, too. It's - it's teasing. Some say it's practically flirting.

[ To think Henry thought Otonashi actually believed Kise's - or Akashi's - value was in their perfection only makes him sink. As far as he's concerned, enough people in their lives held that philosophy. Their unhealthy ideas about competition must have largely stemmed from that very idea.

He doesn't believe in that sort of thinking. ]

Akashi isn't less of a person because he's missing an eye, or because he's got any kind of scarring. I mean that I don't like him - anyone - getting hurt and two eyes make his vision objectively better than one. If he lost a leg, he'd have to adjust and I'd regret that he has to go through that, but he'd wouldn't be less of a person either way. I'd even be the one to amputate it if it was necessary, but I wouldn't do it for pleasure. You get it, right..?

Oh. Ohh. [He actually says it out loud, then, after a moment, transcribes it. But Otonashi's vehemence- clear even in the written down version he'd received- was clear, stated plainly enough that Henry felt the first edges of relief. That he had interpreted Otonashi's words and reactions wrong.

Even if he's not entirely feeling it yet (or rather, his feelings hadn't zero'd back out to 'nothing'), it was easier to try and go back to his usual tone.]

You're right that no one really jokes with me, or maybe they do and I don't notice? [He didn't exactly have the best role models. Between Otonashi and Akashi, his ideas about comedy had probably gotten worse.] Well... that's okay then! I'm glad you're not a completely shallow jerk conspiring to tear apart healthy relationships. You should probably tell me if you're teasing if you say something mean about them again, though. And if you ever have to amputate something 'cause I want to help!

I'm still not gonna regret hurting him, though. If he wanted to give me another eye or a leg or anything else, I'd take that too.

Because- Yuzuru, do you know why my place was super bloody when you showed up that time?

I should've suspected something was up when I'd say something sarcastic and you'd enthusiastically agree...

[ Like when Otonashi says "ah yes, that's perfect, I'd love to be cleaning up guts this morning" and Henry chimes in happily about it. Really. Sarcasm must be like a foreign language. ]

No, I'm not conspiring to tear apart any relationships. Yours is - unorthodox, not abusive. [ It's kind of weird to say, but he's learned by now he just has to accept their bloody show of affection for what it is. ]

I'll call you if I have to perform any amputations, sure, deal. Kinda always planned to let you oversee anything small I had to do, or anything on myself... You just can't get in the way of the knife. And don't scare whoever I'm working on or tell them anything weird, like "come visit your amputated leg at my house, I'll curse it fresh!" [ There it is. There's that normal, overdramatic scolding he's used to. ]

I - I really don't know if I should ask, but okay. Why was your house so bloody when I showed up?

[Ah, there it is indeed. It's reassuringly normal after everything, and Henry finds he'd kind of missed it. And it's more of a relief than he expected to hear Otonashi give his apparent blessing to the relationship.]

Can do! I'm not bad with a knife myself, maybe we can teach each other new techniques!

[Surely he had relevant experience. Surely.

Henry's tone changes a bit in the next, but if it was spoken, it'd still be delivered in his usual cheerful tone.]

But anyway, I sort of died. Again. Didn't have a choice this time, so I guess it's more 'I was murdered and it got really really messy', but that's not actually the point.

It kind of didn't feel too great, since I'd just promised to Seijuurou that I wouldn't die anymore, that we'd stay alive together and I already blew it. And I'm not sure why, but not dying with him this time was sort of....

['Sad', is the feeling he's looking for, but Henry has a hard time even finding that simple of a word for it, so he moves on.]

But when I revived, Seijuurou was there waiting for me in that bloody room. I dunno how long he was there with my corpse, but... he was the first thing I woke up to and that's a very very important memory to me.

--And then he gave me his EYE. To me, this total loser who'd just broken a promise and died. Just because he'd promised it to me before, in return for my broken one, even though his own vision had already gotten better. That's the kind of person he is.

Uh, long story short, it's a special eye to me and it kind of hurt when you were that horrified at seeing it and told me not to do it again?

Edited 2015-08-06 00:05 (UTC)

You're more of an... uh, extractions expert than a "putting it back together correctly," I think.

[ Not that there isn't value in removing pieces if they need to be out.

It doesn't take him terribly long to read Henry's message the first time, but processing all of takes another two read throughs. ]

It... probably wasn't fun to die with him when you hadn't planned for it, and before you knew if it'd be forever. You didn't know what was happening, and someone you love was suffering too. I would have felt awful until the end. Sad... Guilty.

[ Otonashi can at least put words and sentiments to what he thinks Henry's trying to describe. It speaks to the kinds of stories he knows very well. ]

Listen, I... I get the sentiment, even if I don't like the pain aspect of it. If that was his wish and you appreciate the gesture, then that's what matters. That's what we have by the end... Important memories of the lives we lead. This is yours. You're making the best of it.

And you're not a loser, Henry.

[The sentiment and words feel more awkward than anything, and he's already had to think a lot more about emotional things than he ever wants to, so he backs off from the topic as soon as he can.]

Yeah, I guess it's all something like that.

But anyway, that's about it, isn't it? Wow, I'm sure glad that's cleared up, I was thinking of hexing your voice away so I wouldn't ever have to hear it out of you again. Sure glad I didn't get around to it!

Uh... y-yeah, good thing...

[ Text, voice, whatever the medium: the awkward laughter is clear in its implication. ] Please don't do that, okay? I'm kinda still using it. There's just one last thing...

Yeah, but I wasn't sure if you deserved to keep having such a cool voice!

But what's up? Any amputations you've got scheduled?

I... uh, don't know if I should be flattered or scared. I really don't. Maybe I'll just go with "thanks for letting me keep it..."

[ Better not linger too long on that. ]

Sorry, no amputations on schedule. Just a splinter I got this morning, but that shouldn't require amputating anything. What I was going to ask you about was, uh... brain related.

Good thing you noticed it though, I've had wounds go all slimy and gross 'cause of missed splinters!

[Exactly what Otonashi wanted to hear about; isn't he relieved they're talking again.]

I can do brain stuff too. Need me to stuff ya full of new memories or something?

[ Oh good. The glamour of wanting to be in medicine: the weird stories. ]

Yeah, I... can see how that could happen. Sorry about your - festering... wounds. Let me know if you get more.

[ Because he knows it'll happen, it's only a matter of when. ]

No! No - thaaaat won't be necessary, thanks. I'd settle for getting back the boring old ones that got stuck. I dunno, maybe we can come up with a cool one if you want to be creative - as long as it's small.

If you're sure! It's about time I got around to messing with that head of yours.

I'll make sure you had a really cool life! An exciting past awaits!

Thanks, but... I can't accept nothing but false memories. I had a life, even if it wasn't cool or exciting.

If I purposely try to erase that and replace it with something else, then I'd be remembering a life for someone who doesn't exist. It wouldn't be mine anymore. So... Can you try to make sure you just show me the real thing before I consider anything else?

I guess so, but... I COULD make it so you don't know any better. Erase this whole conversation so you remember nothing but me definitely promising nothing but the truth.

Then you'd be satisfied AND remember a good life, how's that?

I appreciate what you're trying to do for me. [ He won't say outright that it shows some level of care and desire to see a friend happy, but the sentiment is there. ]

But if you wade through my real memories, you do know you'll get to see several death traps go off very successfully... right? You wouldn't want to remove that, would you?

[ What a bargaining chip. ]

[Which is probably good, as he'd just laugh it off and deny it meant anything at all.

But what a nice bargaining chip. Henry has to hesitate at that.

Well....

If you're extra sure you want to keep things like they are, who am I to improve on a good death trap?! Nya ha!

There you go, that's the idea. [ Except it's really, really not. At least the concept of death traps worked. ]

I'll probably see you around -- soon? Uh. Wherever you're sleeping these days.

[Whatever works, in the end.]

That's kind of 'around' myself... haven't figured out a new place to bloody up.

I'll see you somewhere, anyway!

[IC Inbox - Carvaka]

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