necrowmantic | [IC Inbox

[After a conversation with Zexion and considering the various options, Monty decides to suffer Henry long enough to see if he can help with purification.]

Dear Mr. Henry,

This is Lord Montague. I wished to make an inquiry regarding your magic and hexes. Are you able to place them permanently upon something, or do you require active participation to ensure that they're functioning?

Regards,
Lord Montague D'Ysquith Navarro

Hey-o, Monty!

And that totally depends on the hex! Some last longer than others, and even I'd be hard pressed to make something infinite. Uh, I guess that translates to 'maybe!'

We're looking for a killing hex. Not for people, but for anything living or dangerous in contaminated water. Mr. Zexion and I would like to see to restoring the aqueduct that once ran from this settlement to a nearby lake, or so it would appear from Mr. Hanekoma and Accelerator's comments. The water is not clean at the moment, though. We have few options for purification, but I thought a creative application of your abilities might suit if it can act more continuously than whatever means Accelerator has for it.

A killing hex, huh... you sure came to the right guy!

I can totally whip something like that up! I dunno if it'll be completely permanent, but it should last a good while if it's just killing small stuff. Easy peasy.

I think putting something into the lake itself would work best, along with wherever it comes out here. That'll probably kill the most.

[Monty hadn't considered putting anything directly into the lake, but... if Henry can do that, it only sounds sensible. Why is he being so completely reasonable? He's mad. Shouldn't he be... suggesting killing people with it, instead?

Monty probably shouldn't suggest that.]

We'll need to actually get the aqueduct or some other sort of pipe and pump functional and laid out to the lake first, but that sounds amazing, sir! Is there anything you'd like in return for doing something to so benefit the company?

[Monty definitely shouldn't suggest that. Henry'd be just as agreeable about that too, though it would at least be a good assurance that yep, still entirely mad.]

Sure thing, just lemme know when you've got it set up and I'll hex it good!

And no... I don't really need anything, but thanks! Besides, having more water around benefits me too.

[That is a very welcome response. Monty really hadn't wanted to offer anything unsavory. Well, there's an idea just in case.]

Certainly, Mr. Henry.

I can make quite good food now, if you ever change your mind about recompense and would like a pleasant meal.

[Hey Henry can do all the unsavory things himself, he doesn't need other people to do it for him.]

Well... if you really want to, maybe for a friend or two sometime!

I kinda can't taste anything anymore myself, so it'd just be wasted on me. Unless this is just a roundabout way of asking me to dinner?

[Monty's hackles rise immediately.]

No! Not at all. I only meant to give you the food if you wanted it, not share it with you. Please perish the thought!

Nya ha! That's what I thought.

But don't worry about paying me back or nothing, I'm good.

Very well, Mr. Henry. I'll look forward to speaking with you when we have need of your abilities.

[Maybe? Apart from that last bit there this... hasn't actually been a terrible conversation. Perhaps it's the lack of glass being thrown at him at the start. Or paradox sex being held over their heads. It may also be the short and direct nature of the request and idea. Best not to let Henry get too creative.]

[ The temptation to text this message is there, but the thought of doing so feels like it might cheapen what he wants to say. It isn't the right medium for an involved discussion.

Instead, Otonashi steels himself and speaks into the device. ]

Hey Henry, it's Yuzuru. Are you free?

[It is a thoughtfulness that is, unfortunately, lost on Henry; his book device helpfully transcribes what Otonashi says, but it doesn't have any kind of speaker.

So naturally, Henry replies in text, though there's some delay there. Did he really want to reply? Not really. It was even possible that if he ignored it, Otonashi wouldn't press the issue, but he wasn't sure.]

Ehh, I dunno, I am pretty busy~

[Busy doing nothing, that is.]

[ Ah, yes. Exactly the sort of response he expects. ]

Yeah, okay. Fine. I'll try to get right to the point. I think we had a big misunderstanding that got blown out of proportion. I want to clear it up.

[ A response at all is better than none, and it's enough to work with. ]

I hurt you somehow.

Hurt? Me? Wow, Yuzuru, you really don't know me that well at all!

[Can you hear the insincere laughter Otonashi? Maximum helpfulness in play.]

But it's okay, I figured out the problem anyway!

[ He feels he has no choice but to grit his teeth and continue as though Henry had not interjected with that. ]

I hurt you, "offended" if you like that word better - scared you enough to make you think I'd do something to take something important away from you. [ A pause, then he adds: ] You really don't know me all that well if you believe that I'd do something to make your life any less whole than it is. People before me hurt you. I'm not out to be another one.

So tell me what you think you figured out.

I thought I knew you but

[He has it written before even thinking about it, then pauses, almost frowning. It was too late for it not to show up, so he just ignores it and presses on without trying to complete the thought.

Like Otonashi, he reads over the message, then chooses to ignore most of it.]

Anyway, I get why you got all controlling and stuff. You were just jealous. I mean, no one wants to give you their eye.

[ Not choosing video was a good choice. It spares Henry the injured expression and the following look of disbelief. It's almost funny to hear, but leaves a bitter taste. ]

I'm not - jealous of something like that, I'm not - I'm not into that. Never have been. You know blood and exposing someone's guts is a turnoff for me, right? That intentionally mutilating someone goes against everything I wanted to live for? I know you probably don't know the whole "do no harm" thing, but I - really, that's what you thought?

[ That assumption hurts too, but he keeps that to himself. ]

If I wanted to control it or interfere, I wouldn't have talked to you about what you could do for dates, or what might make him happy... Do you honestly believe I would be jealous of something you two have together?

Yeah, pretty much.

[Not really. Or at least, Henry wasn't entirely sold on the idea, but it was a more sympathetic explanation than any of the alternatives he could come up with.

Otonashi's response points more towards those alternatives though, which has him consider dropping the conversation, but he sighs and presses onward instead.]

So you look down on us that much, huh? [Which felt more uncomfortable than he expected. A person he didn't know, or didn't know well- they could think anything they wanted, it wouldn't register at all. But Otonashi mattered to him, which had the surprising side-effect of caring about what he thought.] Well... do as you want, but it's a waste of time, you know? You can't take away everything we've given each other even if you're sure it's for our own good.

No, I don't. I didn't say I thought you were less because of - no. Just... hear me out. Please.

[ When he spoke to Akashi, the other redhead understood his intent immediately. It's jarring to have this to wade through, and it forces him to wonder if he had ever had that conversation with Akashi at all. ]

When I said "pair," I meant pair of organs. I meant it's objectively better to have two eyes, two kidneys, two lungs, two whatever we're talking about, and unless there's an emergency I prefer not to take pieces of - well, the pair, but anything! And I was - I was scared, Henry. I was nervous.

I'm not a doctor, I've never had to... do something so involved since those plants. Then that happened, and suddenly I get a call from Kuroko because he thinks Akashi is dead in their home. Within an hour I tried and failed to resuscitate him, started cutting him open and tearing out flowers and root systems thinking, damnit, maybe if I freed him I could do some good! He's bleeding out all over me, Kuroko's near tears and begs me to keep trying to save him, s-so - so I start jabbing myself for several blood transfers to him, thinking maybe, maybe if I can clean him out, maybe there's still a chance I salvage this—

[ He switches between past to present tenses as he confesses the nature of his fears and hesitation, unable to stop himself from re-experiencing the moment despite his best efforts avoid it. ]

But nothing I did mattered. He was essentially dead when I got there. I shot him to make sure he wouldn't be in any pain. Then I find you, and all over again I knew I'm so completely helpless that I just... put what's left of you out of your misery too. I don't know if it hurt me less to do it quickly, or more because I didn't even bother trying to find another alternative. So much for "do no harm," I wasn't any better...

You wanted me to perform a delicate surgery, but - what was I going to tell Akashi, or you, if I failed again? How shitty was I going to feel if I made a mistake, or hurt you guys again so soon because I wasn't good enough? Knowing people I care about were hurt and being unable to do anything - I didn't want that again.

[That... was not at all what Henry expected as a response, and he has to read it over a few times before he can even begin to think of a response. It's the better part of an hour before he can manage anything at all.]

Ah

[This was suddenly awkward. And- disorienting, experiencing several emotions at the same time. The sense of being betrayed was hard to let go of entirely, but it mingled with general guilt, and something he didn't recognize at all. Irritation?]

I was wondering who'd put me down after I died, I thought I'd gotten off without anyone noticing.... But I guess it was you, huh? Sorry about that. If I'd known corpses would go wandering, I would've burned us up before the flowers finished me off. So, er. Thanks.

[It hadn't been the nicest death he'd ever had, and he'd recently been introduced to the concept that yes, dying can affect those outside of yourself. So Henry could understand a little of why it would hurt to come across. What an uneasy feeling.]

--But it should've been clear that there was no saving either of us, Yuzuru. I was there when- well, when I died, obviously- but Seijuurou was with me. I didn't quite make it to his end but it was... I've seen a lot of dying folks before, I know what it looks like. It's kind of stupid to have hope in a situation like that.

[Though he doesn't mean it in an insulting way, just in a rather- blunt one.]

But unless your way of doing eye surgery involves stabbing me through the head, isn't that a liiiittle overboard to compare it to life and death? Sure, if you'd damaged the eye I would've been very very sad, but it's not like I don't have the rest of Seijuurou anyway.

As long as you didn't ruin it on purpose, it would've been okay. But I see now that I should've have asked you in the first place.

[ As much as he doesn't want to give up, he's close to losing hope as the hour drags on. Still, he waits, kicking at the dirt, mending his shirt, trying all sorts of idle tasks until a message finally comes in and frees him. ]

Stupid or not, I've never been good at letting go. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't give it a shot... Especially under pressure like that.

[ Especially when someone as innocent as Kuroko is pleading with him through choked whispers and watery eyes to try to find a solution. Otonashi doesn't have the heart to ignore it. ]

It doesn't involve that, no, but... it's not easy to have confidence in my abilities after such a terrible failure. But I knew you'd have that cheery belief in me, and I didn't know - I didn't know what to do with it right then, knowing what I knew. All I really knew was that I wished you were asking me to make a nice cup of hot chocolate for you guys, something easy and with less fine nerve-endings involved. [ Any kind of transplant sounds like such a daunting task, but he ends with a soft sigh. ] But I wanted you to feel like you could come to me for anything.

I'm sorry. I know it hasn't been easy, but you're my friend. Or I'd like you to be.

That's like feeling bad because you can't change the weather. It's only a failure 'cause you tried something futile. It doesn't say anything about your abilities! I bet you're a great doctor.

Apart from recognizing when people are already goners. You weren't doing Tetsuya any favors stringing him along like that. I mean wow, you really let him watch you stick your blood into Seijuurou's corpse?? You're mad at me for taking a freely-given eye, but you just mauled him up yourself in front of some sobbing onlooker.

[It's some kind of mixed signals. 'Don't blame yourself' along with 'but really that was pointless.'

He's not sure at all what to make of the reiteration of friendship. So he bypasses it entirely; it was a lot easier to focus on Otonashi's issues instead.]

I - I told him not to look. I told him to leave too, but I knew he wouldn't right away. I can't take it back now... if I could change the past, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be what I am.

[ Of course that's what strikes him the most, digging up that old guilt. Others have said that they didn't care what he tried to do to help, that they were only unhappy because he himself had died too—so they claim.

So he wonders, but tries not to think about. His hesitation to reply again might be telling. ]

I wasn't mad, alright? Worried, yeah, but mostly I didn't understand why you were reacting the way you did. I think I get it now. I've... done the same kind of thing before, when I thought someone was going to look down on Kise. I got emotional, lashed out and didn't listen until we both calmed down. I didn't want to have something I said be the reason someone else - another friend of mine - thought badly of him. So... maybe it's the same idea. You were just trying to protect what you love and believe in.

Edited 2015-08-05 15:00 (UTC)

...For not having that many memories to go on, you sure do dwell in the past. But if you changed the past so you wouldn't be here, that wouldn't be good either. So... I'm not good at saying these things, but I think you're fine like you are.

[This was all alarmingly sentimental. He quickly moves on, not sure how else to put it.]

But uh, actually- I used to think you looked down on Ryouta too? It was one of the first times we spoke, you said he wouldn't be worth as much if his face got all scarred up.

I figured I'd must've gotten it wrong, because geez, what a jerk thing to say- but this time you said Seijuurou was less of a person now that his eye was gone, and I thought I'd been right all along! I'm still not sure I'm not, but... Yuzuru, why does it matter what someone looks like? If they're missing one eye or a dozen, if they're lame or covered in cool sores, I mean... I GUESS you mean well, but I think you're wrong about this.

[IC Inbox - Carvaka]

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voice;

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sorry I have a big "pours his heart out" here...

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